The Thanksgiving Table: Navigating Conversations About Food Selectivity and Texture Issues

Thanksgiving is often centered around food, family, and tradition. For many parents, it can be stressful trying to manage conversations with well-meaning relatives about accommodating your child's selective eating or texture issues. 

As a person with aversions to some foods like meat and anything that might pop/burst while I’m eating it (e.g., grapes, cherry tomatoes, boba), I would be extremely upset if my parents forced me to eat them… especially in front of a group of people. I can only imagine the faces I would make while trying to endure a tomato bursting in my mouth. Fortunately, I’ve learned what I can tolerate and how to explain this to my family and friends. As a parent of a somewhat “picky eater”, who I’m also raising vegetarian, I’m starting to face criticism from other adults and understand how frustrating their opinions can be. 

It can be tricky to figure out how to honor your child’s needs while keeping the holiday light and fun for everyone. 

Here are some tips to help navigate the holidays and potentially difficult conversations with friends & family:

- Set expectations ahead of time. Have a talk with your child about strategies to handle the meal (e.g., “Grandma’s making us a special meal today if you don’t want to eat what I put on your plate we can find something else”), and reassure them you will help them throughout the day. Let relatives know in advance about foods your child has difficulty with. 

- Offer to bring a dish your child will eat. Whether it's a familiar food from home or a new recipe, making something you know your child will enjoy takes the pressure off.

- Explain your child's issues matter-of-factly. Say something like "Loud sounds make mealtimes really stressful for her right now" or "He's working on tolerating new textures." 

- Suggest alternatives. If your child can't tolerate traditional dishes, offer substitutes like smooth mashed potatoes instead of lumpy ones. 

- Redirect unwanted advice gracefully. "We're working with our therapist on expanding his diet, but for now he does best sticking to these foods."

- Focus on what your child can eat, not what they can't. Keep the mood positive by encouraging your child to enjoy flavors and foods they are comfortable with. 

- Have an escape plan. Whether it's going for a short walk or keeping a sensory toy on hand, have strategies ready if your child becomes overwhelmed.

While you want your child to be part of the family holiday, don't forget - their comfort comes first. With planning, patience, and politely setting boundaries, you can make the day work for everyone. The key is focusing on creating positive memories, not forcing food.

From all of us here at Joyscape, we wish you and your family a safe and joyous holiday season!